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Who’s Got Your Happy?

Any time a theme presents itself through multiple converstaions on multiple occasions over a short period of time I figure it’s either a universal element in the human experience or I have become sensitive to it because there is a lesson there I need to learn. Yeah – you’re right. It’s probably both. So some examples… A friend’s partner of three years said “I’m not happy and I think that means I don’t love you anymore so I need you to move out.” Another friend said to me “I’m so depressed, I just can’t seem to make my wife happy no matter what I do.” A casual acquaintance said to me “For me to be happy at work my boss would have to…” A client said “I want to have more clients that make me happy.” The list goes on… And then while I was reading Richard Bach’s Illusions for the umpteenth time (give or take a few) I read what the protégée of the story says, quite unaware of the significance of his observation, to his mentor; “If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” How often have you said - or at least thought - “When YOU do that it makes ME really unhappy?” Or “If YOU would only ________ it would make ME so happy.” How many people’s “happy” do you hold in your hands? Who’s holding on to yours? In my inspection of my own attitudes about happiness I made a list of things that make me “unhappy” - that rob me of my happiness. And I...

What is JOY worth?

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy” Thich Nhat Hanh Picture this; you stop for a cup of coffee, tired from a long day followed by a short night, stressed and in a hurry - you just need that cup of joe. Which cup of coffee is more likely to set your world right, the one handed you by a blank-faced, perfunctory server who is “nice enough” or the one served by someone whose smile is genuine and whose face is alight with joy? During a recent coaching session a friend, fellow coach and client of many years confessed to me that she still struggles with charging a fee for coaching because it brings HER so much joy. So I asked her “what is a coach who does not bring joy into the relationship worth?” She admitted that would have very little value. “So then,” I challenged her, “you would have to agree that it stands to reason that, assuming their skills and talents were similar, a coach who brought tremendous joy into the relationship would be worth proportionately more?” Yes, she agreed, that seemed reasonable. Uh huh - I let that sink in for a few moments. While coaching another good friend; author, speaker and interrogator extraordinaire, “Hello My Name is Scott” Ginsberg (whose 10th book is about to become available and he’s not yet 30!) this summer we talked about all the things that he had NOT been doing because of a situation in his life - things that brought him joy. He made...