I’ve been excited for months, looking forward to sharing this wisdom with you. And finally, Adversaries Into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion, is making it’s debut!
It was written by a dear friend and trusted mentor whom I am sure you all know, Bob Burg. He describes it as “the book I was born to write,” and even though I will always love The Go-Giver and know that Bob embodies that book in every way, after reading an early copy of Adversaries Into Allies, I agree. This book is the very essence of Bob.
The following excerpt is, of course, used by permission.
Why is it so often the case that, what we’re absolutely sure we know…turns out to be wrong? Because, we make decisions based on very limited information; information controlled by our personal Belief System.
Our Belief System is a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television, movies; really, every experience our mind ever takes in.
It operates unconsciously and drives our thoughts and behaviors without our even being aware of such.
It is also the root cause for practically all miscommunication.
How do we overcome this and communicate much more effectively?
First, we need to become aware that, while we are acting unconsciously out of our own Belief System, the other person is, too. Yes, two very different sets of beliefs are in play!
Next, we practice staying aware; constantly checking that we are making decisions based not on appearances but on what really is.
Here’s an effective way to work within this context in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.
When in conflict, ask yourself four questions:
1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?
4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?
As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (really, those first two truths are actually beliefs).
Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.
Excerpted from Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies. Best known as coauthor of The Go-Giver, Burg’s newest book will help you to become a top influencer and persuader, learning how to consistently obtain the results you want, while helping everyone come away a winner. You can get Chapter One by visitingwww.AdversariesintoAllies.com.